Ep #116: (Part 1) Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be with Erica Roesch

Erica: I just kept leaning into this idea of, like, the things that I kept saying were for someday, I was like, “No, I have to start doing those now.” And it goes back to that question and point you said about death. And as a family medicine physician, I always say this. I think one of the greatest privileges is having a really long relationship with a patient and being with them at end-of-life.

I really enjoy that about my job, but it also is a very raw place to be. You know, it’s an intense place to be. And I realized, it was the place I felt the most natural. That part never scared me. I don’t know if that’s for everybody who’s in medicine, but for me, I felt at home with that type of intensity, so to speak.

But it definitely – we talk about energy and you can’t put words to it. For me personally, there is this energy when somebody looks you in the eye and has regret. That, to me, is a place where it’s like, if I have one wish for anybody, it would be to walk a life, however long it is, and to live it; like, to really live it, however that is for you, whatever that looks like for you.

And I really came to the place of I get to choose if I want to live or not, and how I want to live. That’s only a choice I can make. No one else can make that. Even my most amazing friends and partners and my husband and my family, they can’t make that for me. I’m the only one that can make that decision.

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That was a clip from my recent conversation with Erica Roesch. You’re going to learn more about Erica’s incredible story today, how she went from a very successful career as a physician to training in functional medicine, and then realizing that looking back over her career, her ability to connect to her patient at a deep, deep level was really the core of her strength and her love for family medicine.

So, she went in, all in on her greatest strength and decided to become certified as a life coach at the Life Coach School. She now coaches other visionary women to help them achieve their impossible dream.

I have had the good fortune and honor of having an up-close front-row seat to Erica’s own visionary journey. She has been a client in the Art School and in the mastermind over the past three years, since 2018. And I was so excited to have her on this podcast here today because you’ve heard me talk about moonshots, you’ve heard me talk about cultivating this extraordinary way of being, this extraordinarily creative way of being. It’s also the path of a visionary.

And Erica shares so generously today the ins and outs of her own journey. I know for anyone out there listening who is on a path to create their own impossible dream. For anyone out there listening who has created a lot of success and finds themselves asking, “Now what? When does this become fulfilling? Is there more for me?” this episode is for you.

You are listening to The Art School Podcast; a show for artists and creatives who want to become the next greatest version of themselves. Learn how to cultivate an extraordinary way of being and take the mystery out of making money, and the struggle out of making art. Here is your host, master certified life coach, artist, and former lawyer, Leah Badertscher.

Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Art School Podcast. I hope that wherever this finds you, it finds you doing extraordinarily well. And if you’re feeling less than that right now, sending you heaps of this wide-open spaces energy, this energy of possibility.

I’m feeling that. Perhaps it’s because I’m creating this on the heels of our possibility immersion week, which was amazing. And so, for those of you that joined us, thank you so very much. Thank you for bringing your presence, bringing your energy, bringing your goals, bringing your dreams, your thought process, your full engagement. It was a really incredible week.

And my intention was to just pour on the light and the creative energy and the breakthrough energy for participants. And I definitely felt like then I got to receive that myself. So, I feel like I’ve got that wind at my back. And that is what I’m sending out to all of you.

I think you’ll feel it in this episode too. And I’m so delighted to be able to share Erica with you. I’ve had the opportunity to get to know her over the last couple of years and Erica is someone, again, another beloved esteemed member, a pillar of our Art School and mastermind community, about whom it’s often said, “I had a conversation with Erica and she said something so profound,” these are other clients in the Art School talking, or, “I was thinking through something that Erica said to me in a conversation we had about X, Y, and Z.”

And that just happens so many times that I lose count because Erica does bring this ability, this depth, and this intuitive side, and then also this beautifully rigorous analytical mind. It’s the intersection of, as she describes in her own work, it’s this intersection of taking what is true in science and marrying that with the everyday miracle of our thoughts and ideas.

And she definitely does have a passion for helping visionary women and helping them to liberate those big dreams. And the thing is, I could feel the visionary energy, the big energy in her from the very first time that we met over Zoom. And it was for a discovery consult for the very first Art School.

And she was still practicing medicine at that time and you could feel something greater wanting to work through her and wanting to happen. And I thought it would be especially powerful to be able to share with you this conversation with her because it is a very personal journey and she is so generous sharing it, and also just so incredibly articulate.

And I know you’ll hear her describe things that will help trigger insights for you, potentially I think breakthroughs, for some of you listening. And also, her own, very personal unique journey will yield a lot of rich insights. And also, she is the example of the greater mission of the Art School, and I think this is why she bought in from the beginning and why she has been such a powerhouse of a member.

And that’s because, if you think about this core philosophy of cultivating an extraordinary way of being that makes those extraordinary results inevitable, one way that we often talk about that is cultivating that way of being through having an audacious big, bold, beautiful vision, an impossible goal or dream that sure, may seem daunting, and then also makes you come alive. It makes you feel alive again.

It is the kind of thing then that draws upon resources within you, awakens resources within you, requires you to find the resourcefulness within yourself, to find the resources outside of yourself and ask for help. You’ll hear Erica talk about that too. And asks you to grow in ways that really grow you spiritually and build your life from the inside out.

And in the Art School, I don’t want people’s achievements to just be a one and a done, like, big goal and then we do it. really, it’s about the way of life. This way of setting impossible goals and dreams, becoming the person that creates them is really not just – as we talk in this conversation, you’ll hear us talk about the difference between a finish line and a deadline versus being in love with the process and being in love with this really being your way of life because it brings you alive.

So, we want to celebrate that process and I want to celebrate the women in these programs, the Art School and the mastermind that are doing that and be able to share with you their stories. Because the information is powerful. The education and the knowledge is powerful. And I think too, it gives you texture, something to hold onto, to use as traction in your own life when you hear it in the context of their very real stories and the hard, the good, the bad, the ugly and what it’s really like.

And so, hopefully, you find ways in which you see yourself and you see your life and you see then possibilities maybe for yourself; not only see them, but you can feel it too through these stories like Erica’s, like other women who I have had on the podcast from the Art School, and like so many women who I haven’t had on the podcast yet but I look forward to bringing on in the future.

I want for the Art School – I mean, my big moonshot for the Art School really is that it is this ideal creative ecosystem for Creative Genius, capital C, capital G, whether you call that soul genius – that’s one way I think of it. But it is really for finding out what you’re made of and then being that in the world.

And I know that that will be accomplished not only through celebrating the milestones when they’re achieved when we do complete something or you accomplish or you actually do cross a finish line, but also by nurturing the process by nurturing the people in the process.

And I think also sharing this story of Erica’s and hearing us talk through what it was really like for her, I hope also allows you to see the self-nurturing that goes on, the things that she did on her own behalf to put herself in places where she would be nurtured and then also from that acquiring skills to build her own nurturing ability going forward.

And here’s the thing. A big vision and therefore a big visionary is someone who is audacious and they have a lot of persistence. Because a big vision requires that. A big vision requires audacity. It requires boldness. It requires persistence, and oftentimes over an extended period of time. So, you’ll hear Erica talk about how do you do that then? What are the practical things you can do then to make sure you do this, no matter what?

So, I’m so grateful then when clients like Erica are willing to come on and speak so openly and from their heart about their journey. I want to celebrate that, celebrate people like Erica who are visionaries, dreamers, who are not only dreaming at night in the dark where it’s safe, but who also do the work of the dreamer, who go out and dream by day, who dare in broad daylight to be that embodiment of their vision now, who take the risks and are willing to be persistent and willing to work when it seems like nothing is happening and who keep going.

This, as Erica describes, this is where the juice of life is at. And you’ll hear her talk about how her experiences with patients at the end of life also have informed her process and her commitment to living fully alive while she is alive. I think not only will you be so inspired by her story. There’s also life wisdom here that no matter what you are creating, if you are someone who just knows in your bones that there is more for you, if you are someone who has even the seed of a grand dream, an impossible dream, or a moonshot within you, if you’re someone who knows you have so much potential and you too want to walk the path of a visionary, of one of these daring dreamers who dreams by day and takes the risks and then makes that vision inevitable, you are in the right place today to hear this podcast. I know there are messages for you here, and in the part two that will follow.

So, before I leave you to the conversation with Erica, let me introduce you to her a little bit more formally via her bio. As a young girl, Erica dreamed of being a physician. The journey from her undergraduate education at John Carroll University, to medical school at Wright State School of Medicine was fueled by her belief that her dream was possible.

During her family medicine residency and in her clinical practice as an attending physician, she loved creating an environment where anything was possible. From teens graduating high school to health being restored after a journey with cancer, she helped countless others achieve their dreams.

After awakening to her own health issues, she pursued the study of functional medicine through the Institute for Functional Medicine. Her own journey to health led her to one conclusion; that she must follow her dream to restore her health.

In 2018, she committed to her vision fulltime, The Awakening Tide. In her life coaching practice, she helps visionary women who have big audacious dreams create a life that is whole, healthy, and full of connection. She has a true fascination with the intersection of a divinely inspired dream and the human world. It is her belief that a visionary woman is a powerful force for good and that through the creation of her dream she finds fulfilment, health, and forever changes the trajectory of the lives of all those around her. And now, I hope you enjoy this conversation with Erica Roesch.

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Erica: And so, then you just start to see them and it becomes easier. And then you’re like, “Oh, it doesn’t have to be that hard.” That realization is just like – but I really think, at least for people like me, it is a self-love thing. Fun is a self – like, you have to believe you’re worthy of nourishment and worthy to sit on the floor and do nothing for a day, and you’re still worthy. Which I know that sounds so simple, but when you’ve been wired to chase the finish line, or whatever that might be, that is really hard to do.

Leah: So, walk me through your thought process of why it’s hard. I get it I want to hear – and I think because we started the podcast. That was too good for me not to include.

Erica: I think there’s a couple levels to that. And to be honest with you, it kind of brings tears to my eyes because I think level one is you realize how mean you are to yourself to get to the finish line. And you never were really aware of how – the word mean is what comes to me, but I don’t know if that’s even the right word to use. Do you know what I mean? Just the level of push, the level of speech, the tone of voice that drove you to do what you needed to do to get to the finish line.

When you’re in that mode of your life, it’s not even your awareness that there’s an option for something to be different. You don’t even think that there’s something – it just is what it is. It is, that finish line is the only thing that matters. And so, I think it’s this level of starting to hear that voice and becoming more aware of it and then you’re like, “Whoa.”

And then, you get to the place of, “Okay, I’m aware of it. But I don’t catch it.” And you just believe it. And then you start getting to the place where you’re aware of it and you don’t believe it anymore. And that’s where the power, I think, starts to shift. But you still hear it. It doesn’t calm down. And in fact, I think it gets louder for a period of time. It’s like that last ditch effort of you’re not letting go of this identity. You are the person that works like crazy. You prided yourself on that.

And so, as it gets louder, if you’re not aware that it’s going to happen, I think it can take you down. And it has before, for me. I wasn’t ready and prepared for that piece of it. But this time felt different. Last week felt different. Like, I prepared for that.

I knew it was going to be loud. And I knew I could handle it. And I knew that if I just forgave myself and honored that it was there to serve a great purpose and help me do phenomenal things in my life, that I wouldn’t judge it anymore and I wouldn’t judge me. And then I could just be like, “And let’s come back. Let’s come back to why we’re here.”

And I’m not giving up. I’m not giving up. So, I think that’s this process you go through. And it is hard because the finish line also carried immediate gratification in some respects. Because in my mind, in the finish line is the to-do list and the to-do list is the ultimate where you get the, “Boom, boom, I did it, I did it, I did it.” And that, again, serves some purposes. But in this sense for me right now, in the point of my journey, I know that that kind of energy doesn’t help me. And so, it’s just realizing that I get to choose the to-do list energy, or I can choose the long game. And I’m worth it to choose the long game.

Leah: When you just said, like, the energy of the to-do list, that was something I want to weave back into talking about your experience of the voice. And when you were describing it and you said mean and it’s also like you were searching for something that better describes it. And so, I wanted to connect with, like – so, there’s the voice, which to us is something audible that uses language. But then, you’re using this word of energy. And that – I’ll just say my experience because I’d love to hear your experience of it, because for me, the hardest thing has been when that voice is silent, I’m in this energy of – and I can completely, when you were searching for the right word. Because I’ve searched for it too. I’ve been in it. I’m like, “What is this? What has this grip on me? Is it self-loathing? Yes. But that’s not quit it. Is it hate? Yes, but that’s not quite it. Is it like a fundamental rejection of who I am? Yes, but that’s not quite it.”

And part of – it’s like grappling with, for me, this energy that I can’t quite name, I can’t quite understand, I can’t quite point to any specific incident or trauma or experience in my life where this was planted. And yet, here it is. And so, for me, I think it will be the episode before this episode with you is released, I talk about intentionally creating a voice that helps you create the story. But before, I think for me, even creating the voice, I had to just feel that energy, this big energy that felt like it just did not want good things for me.

So, for you, is it a grappling with the voice? Or what is being I it like for you? Would you describe it as emotions or energy? What’s being in it and what has helped you actually come through it?

Erica: I do agree with you. Being in it is an energetic state and we could rationalize that thoughts cause feelings and blah, blah, blah. But I do also totally see what you’re saying, where you can’t even – I couldn’t find the right word for it. So, I don’t think it’s all language-driven. Which means there’s something else there.

And what hit me as you were saying that and I was like, “I think I get it,” it’s like it’s your drive but you don’t know how to use it. Does that make sense? To me, it’s like, “Wait a minute…” because what I’m starting to realize about my journey now is that drive for the finish line was not a problem. It was a huge asset. And I used to label that as a problem. I got told it was a problem. And you start to believe that.

And then, it’s like, “But wait a minute, I admire the people who have drive. I crave the people who have drive. I coach people who have drive. But what if – and what I see in my clients, what I see for myself is I think there’s this process to learn how to use your drive. And early on, you’re just doing what you can do with the skills that you’ve got. And as you gain more tools, you learn how to use your drive in a different way.

But when you’re in that part of the journey, it is intense and it does grip you and paralyze you. And then, not only that, you’re rewarded for it. you’re rewarded externally for that state of being. And that’s, for me personally, what drives the degrees, the accolades, the people saying, “You did such a great job. Thank you so much.” And so, I think it comes to this place where you have this innate primal piece of you that wants to do big things but you don’t know how to use it. It’s almost like a kid learning to walk, so to speak…

Leah: 100%…

Erica: And they don’t know how to do it. But then you get rewarded for not walking. Do you know what I mean? It’s this interesting dichotomy of wanting to really soar but being praised for not.

Leah: Maybe it’s like, “You’ve got this drive. You’ll be an excellent walker. You’ll be an excellent walker.” So, you try to channel all that drive into walking but you were born with wings and meant to soar and you can’t quite figure out, “Hey, I’m here walking and this is supposed to be the pinnacle of everything. Why can’t I just be content with walking?” But meanwhile, something – this is what the feeling used to feel like to me and still does, when I realize that I am diluting myself and holding back, is the feeling of having horses inside of my chest that I somehow that there’s this harness and they just want to run. And that’s when I start then looking around, like, “Oh, where am I trying to channel myself into something that I’m trying to delude myself into thinking is big enough. But it’s still too small.”

And I love that you – we have had recent conversations in the mastermind about how you’re like, “I am not gong to water myself down.” You have sat by – and we will get around to talking about more of your bio and I will introduce your formal bio before this, so this will all make sense in the end for everyone listening. But you have sat by the bedside of people as they passed, as they died. And you’ve had the experience of those who felt like they lived their life and those who died with regret. And that has informed, to say the least, your desire to live full out.

And so too, when you use the language of thoughts create feelings, yes, but primal, there is something primal. And that’s some of the most transformative work is did is just dropping all language and being with the energy of it and realizing that those things my mind was trying to interpret as hate and anger and rage, even against myself, was because language was too small for the vastness of the power I was experiencing within me. And something in me was fighting a battle to the death. It was feeling threatened that I was stifling it and trying to kill it.

And so, therefore, it felt violent because it was fighting. And all of that to say, when I dropped language and just got in touch with it, it can be, like, the word terrifying, and I almost want to use the biblical sense, where they say – like, it’s so big. And it’s so sublime and so mysterious and we want to be able to – it’s so powerful that our brains want to hyper-control it. And like, “Who, this is some powerful stuff here. Let me try to just package it up into a socially acceptable container because I’m not sure.

I’m also trying to piece together, this is such a fascinating conversation, like the conversation we just had recently about what’s ahead for you and how we both share this experience of being told that we can be too intense and therefore, “Well, I don’t want to overpower anybody and rein it back in,” but at the same time feeling like our best work is really unleashing this and stepping into our most empowered roles and helping others who have this also great – I think it’s soul energy that then creates your ability to drive all these sorts of things in your life.

And I just wanted to flush that out and flush it out a little bit for anybody listening who has been struggling with – on too intense – and then stuck in this energy of being hard on themselves or wondering if they’re hard on themselves or wondering if they’re self-sabotaging. Because I just feel like there will be people listening to this conversation – it won’t answer everyone’s questions, but maybe you will provide some of the way forward.

Because by all intents and purposes, you’ve already created your successful life, like high-achieving life. And so, what were some of the ways that you felt like – what are some of the things that helped bring you to a place where you’re willing to unleash this drive, this primal energy, I’d say even soul energy? Because I know you to be a very soulful person. And what are some of the ways that you resist it?

Erica: I think that question that you posed a few minutes ago of, “Why can’t I just be content?” I think that goes through your mind a lot because your brain tells you it’s just easier. And then the world tells you you’re too intense. So then, it’s like, “So, I’m supposed to be content. They’re telling me I need to be content with this.” And you might not understand exactly why you’re not content. And so, then you look for other people to help you figure out why.

And I think that was a piece for me that was a huge lesson. Because in my clinical career, I worked with amazing – I had partners that you would die to work with, patients that were amazing. So, by all outsiders looking in, they’re like, “Why would you leave these people?” They’re amazing, right?

And that’s also an amazing thing because when you’re trying to find the reasons for this, they want to help you. They truly care about you. And I think, if you’ve surrounded yourself with really wonderful people who truly care about you, they’re going to offer their way of trying to help you. And it comes from such a good-intentioned place. And you want to listen. And you take them up on it. You join this committee or you take on that role or you cut back here. Whatever it is for you.

And then there comes this piece of, Like, “I see it now. I see it. They’re trying so hard. They want me to be so happy. But they can’t help me get there.” And that is a place of you really come to this surrender of, “I can keep doing this and it’s a good life.

One of my favorite books is The Big Leap. Like, this is a zone of excellence; amazing life. There’s pieces of it that we’re like, “I know there’s more and I know I can live differently and feel differently and be healthier and more connected and have fun and joy. And I think that comes with the zone of genius choice a little bit.

So, I think there’s this path that you walk. It’s almost like, each step you’re taking, you’re shedding a layer of the need for external validation; shedding that layer. And your internal compass is getting stronger and stronger. And as much as I would want no one to have to walk through that – because it’s really painful, I’m not going to lie – it serves a purpose.

And I remember a coach – I may cry – and, like, “Leah, just fix it. Make it go away.” And you looked at me and you were like, “I can’t. and I don’t want to. You need this.” And I’ve realized I’ve done that multiple times on my own. But now, having somebody who’s like, “This is one of those things. It serves you.” And now, I can do it from a place of love and almost like kind of crave it. because to me now, it’s like living. Like, that is my life.

At the time, I didn’t have the tools I have now. But I now look back on it, like, I was gaining tools piece by piece, tool by tool. And each time I needed a new tool, it showed up, whether it was a podcast, a book, a conference, right? I didn’t put that together at the time.

But I just kept leaning into this idea of, like, the things that I kept saying were for someday, I was like, “No, I have to start doing those now.” And it goes back to that question and point you said about death. And as a family medicine physician, I always say this. I think one of the greatest privileges is having a really long relationship with a patient and being with them at end-of-life.

I really enjoyed that about my job, but it also is a very raw place to be. You know, it’s an intense place to be. And I realized, it was the place I felt the most natural. That part never scared me. I don’t know if that’s for everybody who’s in medicine, but for me, I felt at home with that type of intensity, so to speak.

But it definitely – we talk about energy and you can’t put words to it. For me personally, there is this energy when somebody looks you in the eye and has regret. That, to me, is a place where it’s like, if I have one wish for anybody, it would be to walk a life, however long it is, and to live it; like, to really live it, however that is for you, whatever that looks like for you.

And I really came to the place of I get to choose if I want to live or not, and how I want to live. That’s only a choice I can make. No one else can make that. Even my most amazing friends and partners and my husband and my family, they can’t make that for me. I’m the only one that can make that decision. So, it’s interesting. It’s an interesting journey. And I’d do it all over again. But it was hard.

Leah: Yeah, I want to period pause there because I’m taking in the beauty of that. And also, I want to period and pause after the, “It was hard.” Because I think that’s something that I absolutely love this form of media, podcasting, and the ability to share these conversations. And I am excited about sharing more of the conversations with clients and clients who’ve been private clients and clients in the Art School, because I think it adds more texture and life and context for people listening that they can better grab onto things and see themselves in other people’s stories and voices.

And then, what I then wish I could do next is invite them into the experience that you have walked through in just the last – we met 2018, right? Our first conversation – I will not ever forget our first conversation. And I’m getting goosebumps and choked up thinking about what you’ve done since then. And I wish I could, in some way, download it to the listeners what you have walked through day by day and week by week and month by month.

Because like you said, it is a choice, a zone of excellence versus a zone of genius choice. It is a choice to want to live your life while you’re living and making those choices on a day to day. Because I also want to acknowledge and celebrate the way you said, you know, things show up, what you needed showed up. And I know that is because you went to this courageous place. You were vulnerable and showed up.

And even times when you were like, “I don’t think I’m being vulnerable here and I’m going to try to out myself,” because Erica is the one who claimed the phrase we use often in the Art School, “We’re not here for false improvement.” We are not here for false improvement. And I know many listeners can relate to that, being like, “I have always been the achiever and my spiritual evolution and the life of my soul, my creative work, I still know how to say I’m performing. But meanwhile, on the inside, I am not feeling it.”

And you have always stepped up to the plate and been like, “Raise my hand, I think I’m false-improving here.” And remind yourself, and you’ve done that gritty hard work. And I want to point that out too because I think that should be so encouraging for anybody listening, is that that’s how you make your way through.

It is both profound and it’s pedestrian. It’s like step by step, it’s connecting to the divine, it’s connecting to those moments in your life where you felt changed by someone who was dying with regret, looked into your eye, and that experience was not wasted on you. It was like, in the moments then, when you’re back to – I’ll just project here – like me when you’re in the pickup line and you’re in a minivan and you’re a mom and you’re wearing your yoga pants and you’re like, “Wait, where is that divine purpose and inspiration? I’ve got three podcasts to do today and kids to pick up.”

It is that sometimes pedestrian, sometimes profound, and then finding that intersection. And you have not been afraid of doing that work or of saying, “hey I’m afraid,” and doing that work. Because I know something that came up too was like mourning an identity, an identity of, like, you invested so much in your education and your beautiful brain and in building relationships with respected and beloved colleagues and peers and patients. So, can you speak a little bit to that? For anyone listening, what that process was like for you. Like, yes, you say, “I’m making a new choice going forward,” but how does someone actually work through the process of mourning an identity and stepping into a truth, really, and embodying that?

Erica: So that – how do I put that in a linear fashion?

Leah: Right, it’s not a linear process, I know.

Erica: It’s not a linear process. I’m trying to think, step one, step two, step three. And I don’t think that exists. Okay, there’s a couple of points there. Point number one is I think we have to honor our identity. And I think the first – looking back, it’s not the step I walked, but what I’ve learned. I’ll share what I’ve learned, right? Honoring your identity.

And I think when I was walking towards – I left my clinical position in July of 2018. And I know that there was frustration and pain, grief. I didn’t know what that really was, but I know that was underneath it. And so, I think sometimes, our natural innate instinct is to resist and get angry with and find fault in things, the system, the job, whatever it is for you.

And I know it’s the identity trying to get you to stay in the identity. Because as long as you’re battling that, you’re in that identity and you don’t leave. and it took me a while to let that go and to realize that was probably some of the hardest work. Because I think our primal human nature is to blame, to be honest. We find reasons for everything. Especially when you’re a rational, logical thinker like me, like you think a lot. And you can get in your brain a lot about it.

And I will say, the work we did about really centering into your body and letting your body leave you, I think, is what is the kind of root piece of all of that. However, when you’re in an identity where you’re grinding and you’re going for the finish line, you innately don’t feel your body because there’s no way you can grind that hard and feel the pain of your body that you feel and still make it. That’s my personal opinion.

And I see that a lot. When you stay up for 30 hours straight, you’ve got to turn something off to focus. So, we tend to numb our body and only function in our brain. And I do think there’s this awakening that happens when you start to choose to live, whatever that looks like for you, when you are reconnecting to your body, you’re reconnecting to feeling something. And that is some painful work because something comes alive; good, bad, hard, easy. All spectrums start to come alive. And when you’ve been numb for 10 years, 15 years, 20, who knows how long, you’re relearning what to do. You’re relearning, or maybe learning for the first time, honestly, how to use that as your guide and your compass and it’s there to serve you.

And I think that the most big-picture concept is that you have a navigation system. We all have a navigation system. I know you’ve referred to it as this self-organizing intelligence. Like, however you refer to it, we have it. but when you choose to go for the finish line, to grind, you turn it off a lot of times, in some respects, or you don’t let it fully function because the journey is not the issue, it’s the destination. So, you don’t need a navigation. It’s just a done deal.

But when you choose to step out of that world and leave that identity, you need – you have no navigation system anymore. And that becoming comfortable with the unknown is a whole other level of self-love that I wish everyone could experience, where you just know it’s going to work. You have no idea how. You have no idea where you’re headed for sure. But you just know it’s going to work.

And then, when you get to that place, it is the pedestrian work of the next step, next step, next step. But the beauty, I think, of that pedestrian work that I’m really now starting to evolve into my own life is I love the next step. I don’t even need the destination. I don’t need, like – just that next step is enough to be like, “I’m alive. That was the best.” And I’m talking like silly things. But you start to be like, “Whoa, that was awesome.”

It could be a conversation with your kid. It could be, you know, a podcast coming on where you’re pondering something about what you should do next and all of a sudden the message comes through you’re like, “Whoa, that was so cool. I know exactly what to do. It just becomes this place of – you just kind of take it full circle. You start to become content because you are content. Not like, “Why can’t I be content with this?” I don’t know if that makes sense.

Leah: Yeah, well rather than postponing contentment, hoping it will be there when you cross the finish line, when you are so driven by identity that, like you said so eloquently, like, the finish line defines your identity and it’s just this reciprocal loop. And so, to step out of it is scary because then you’re like, “Oh my god, now what do we depend on?” You have to depend on trust. In the unknown, you have to depend on yourself. You have to depend on the next step.

And I think too, we’ve been talking in recent mastermind calls, that legitimizing that process, legitimizing trusting your innate, like you aid, I call it an innate self-organizing intelligence, legitimizing trusting your soul, legitimizing and not saying it in a way that is just cliché, but really meaning it, that falling in love with the process, all of it, good, bad, ugly and being like, “I love this because this is mine. This is mine to have. This is my life. And it’s not going to be wasted on me.”

That is a deep kind of contentedness. And from that place, I’m sure some people might be afraid that that will kill their desire to create, right? That’s not been my experience. How about you?

Erica: You know, I think that place, to use other descriptors, is zone of genius or is flow or is prefrontal cortex, however you want to word it, is your divine connection, whatever word resonates with you. And I think it’s the exact opposite. I think it’s completely the opposite because do you realize what the journey that you’ve so-called had and everybody’s put stock in and said this is amazing – you start to be like, “What I’m about to do will blow you out the water.” Not from like a push place. But like, woah, this is a different level of playing the game. And you were totally prepared.

It’s not like you have to rise and do work and make it to that level. It’s more like, “This is awesome.” And I think the other piece, just to highlight, is if you really believe that this process is true, then you also believe – at least I do – that the help will come. And that also comes in the form of other people.

And for me personally – and I find this a lot for people kind of wired like me – you think the journey is alone. And I think that’s part of the identity, protecting the identity. And it comes from a benevolent place, but it’s really a very isolating place. And you think you have to carry the weight of this dream, this primal force, these ideas that you have, this purpose that you think you’re supposed to do and carry out in the world, right, alone.

And I think the most humbling piece for me of this whole thing is asking for help. And putting my hand up, like, I’ve been hiding, that’s my version of asking for help. Like, I’m stuck. I’ve been in my own brain and I know I could sit here and spin in this and my ego and I could sit here. Or, these people have been put in my life for a reason and I trust them and I’m going to ask for help. That’s sometimes really hard to do for people like me, who sometimes you got reprimanded for asking for help or you got – that’s not the right word to use. But it was a place where – it was a weakness to ask for help. That’s a better way to word it, sometimes. Or my perception was that. Maybe that was never the intention. But I had a perception of that.

And to realize that asking for help, these people are here to make this a little bit lighter, to carry the pack for a while if you need to. Because the other piece, Leah, I will never forget you said to me, “I will carry your dream until you’re ready.” And that was like – I don’t know how to word it – like I’m not alone. I don’t have to carry this.

Because it was really like there’s no way, I’m not doing this. I just left my job. Like, I’m doing this. And then it was like, “Oh my gosh, I don’t have to do it alone.” That was just a profound game-changer. And I just offer that to anybody listening because it is so easy for us to think we have to do it alone, and we don’t.

And it’s not to say let everybody in. I’m not saying that. But the people that you know who have been put in your path for a reason, they’re there for you to lean on and to utilize and to really let you actually exponentially live. It’s not like a one plus one equals two. It’s a one plus one equals – I don’t even know what the number is – kind of energy, if you lean into it. But that identity work, if you’re not onto yourself, it will keep you from leaning into it because it wants you. It’s set that self-protecting mechanism to not change.

And again, there were times where I was very frustrated with that and angry with that because you want it to go away. Now I can look at it as, like, “That was so loving of you to protect me like that,” you know, like talking to myself. But it is sneaky and the perfectionism piece, when you are really wired to get to that finish line, you know how to get to that finish line, what to say, you know how to act. You know what to do to not let anybody see what’s going on, on the inside. And all they see is that you crossed the line.

That served me well for a really long time. But I had to make peace and grieve over that and let it go. And it still it there. I’m still working on that. I think there’s a piece of it that I think fuels me at times. And I think you find this balance of those pieces of what you’ve picked up along the way and how to use them and to not just relinquish them, so to speak, but to start to use it to your advantage and to fuel you.

And it’s starting to become a lot easier to do that. But I also believe that it is a very divinely guided process and you think you’ve got to work harder to get out of it. Like, I’m wired to work harder to get out of it and to push it and to move it and to make it happen. And that is the old identity, self-defeating kind of concept.

And if you just really step back and enjoy the ride and love the process, it will guide you to everything – like, “Okay, it’s time to grieve now, let’s grieve for a little bit. Okay, it’s time to build now, let’s build. Okay, it’s time to…” It’s so divinely guided when you look back on it. Of course, at the time, you don’t see it that way at first. But when you look back on it, you’re like, “Oh, that’s exactly what needed to happen and the exact timing it needed to happen and the way it was supposed to happen. I see it now.”

And you start to trust that a little bit more and it makes the process now become a lot more fun because you’re not judging it. You’re not running from it. You’re not resisting it. You’re like, “Well, I guess I’m supposed to sit here and grieve for a little bit. Okay, not a problem. I can do that.” Because I know the next step will be there.

—

This brings me to the part of the podcast where I want you to do more than just listen. I want you to lean in and really work with me, coach with me. So, for all of you visionaries out there, and those of you that might be contemplating being a visionary, for those of you out there with what seems like a huge impossible dream and you’re ready to go for it, you’re ready to commit to that, to be 100% wholeheartedly all in, I want to focus in on something Erica said that was brief and simple and is so profound.

What she said was she realized, “There’s no way I’m not doing this, but I don’t have to do it alone.” One thing I see often in clients is that they’re actually limiting their ability to vision, their access to the really big vision and they’re kind of doing this incremental dreaming visioning thing.

And so, step one is to be aware if you’re doing that, if you are doing an incremental, like a 10% increase towards the life you want rather than 10-timesing it, right, rather than 100-timesing it and really going for what actually makes you come alive.

I speak about this process in the podcast about what to do when your goals aren’t moving you. It’s the conversation around impotent goals versus potent goals.

But to bring it back here, a way that our subconscious sneaks in and tends to limit our visions is when we are thinking it’s going to be all on me. And I have seen people’s ability to tap into their visioning capabilities. I have seen people’s access to the possibilities for their life expand exponentially along with the energy to actually create that when they allow themselves to ask for help, when they allow themselves to have it on the table that not only can they ask for help, but that it is a requirement, that it is actually embedded in the DNA, in the blueprint of that sacred dream, that big vision itself.

So, I want you to consider those two things. Are there places where you are actually making it harder to create your dream life, your dream way of being? Are you making it harder to become who you’re meant to be because you’re trying to do it in an incremental fashion, in a reasonable, realistic 10% at a time improvement kind of fashion?

The second question. If you knew you had the support in your corner, amazing support, extraordinary support, the kind of support that you’re like, “If I had that person, those resources in my corner, of course I could do this. Of course if I were supported in that way, there’s no way I could not fail.”

Because we talk a lot about how to make your success inevitable. We talk about planning to win. This is a way to do it. And as Erica was saying, our ego, our identity can get in the way because it might be reinforcing this concept of, “I have to do it all on my own. I have to do it all on my own.”

And we don’t realize how that limits not only our ability to dream and vision, but it actually limits our ability to have the energetic capacity to go for it. Partly because we’re anticipating how much work it’s going to be and that perhaps it truly is impossible for us to do that on our own, especially as I said, when it’s embedded in the DNA of the dream itself, that we are required to interact with life to create collaboratively, to seek out resources as part of your becoming a resourceful person.

So, ask yourself this second half of the coach with me, consider this; are there places where you are limiting your ability to vision and also to become a visionary kind of person, become this creative powerhouse who cultivates that way of being where you become unstoppable. And once you set your heart on mind and something it’s as good as done. Are you limiting your ability to be that person because you are not allowing yourself to ask for the help that you need and to seek that out in whatever format it might come?

And what would be different? What would change if you were like, “You know what? The way forward is to give myself the best possible resources I can at every turn.” That is a part of what it means to be 100% committed.

A way that often invite clients to think about this, because it can be a difficult loop or habit to break, to break out of the habit of not asking for help. So, I ask them to imagine that they are, all of a sudden, appointed guardian of a protégé, of a genius, of someone who is going to change the world. And this is a child that definitely has a gift and then also needs nurturing and also needs support and also needs help and resources along the way, to help their potential grow, take root, bloom, thrive, and flow out into the world.

If that person were entrusted to you and entrusted and you were given the instructions that, with the proper care and nurturing, this child is going to be a genius, this child is going to be deeply happy and fulfilled and an amazing human being, this child is going to contribute to the world in incredible ways, what would you do as the steward, as the guardian of a child like that?

Think about that, and then consider whether you’re willing to do that for yourself, whether you are ready to be 100% committed in giving yourself that same level of extraordinary support. Would you go, in creating your moonshot, would you go to the moon and back to give yourself the best of what you need to make that happen?

And if you need any nudge or kick in the pants, revisit the parts of the conversation where Erica talks about how it profoundly changed her to be with clients at the end of their life.

And in conversations in the mastermind, she shared so powerful, so moving, that there were those that were happy, felt complete that they had lived their lives. And she said there were others who did die with regret in their eyes. And that was not wasted on her.

And in fact, another member of the mastermind, the brilliant genius Genevieve Jordan then honed in on that and said, “No regret eyes. No regret eyes for me.” And I don’t think anyone listening to this podcast wants regret eyes.

I certainly don’t want regret eyes for you. I want for you to live fully alive while you are here. And if you are hearing this message today, maybe it’s just one more way life, the universe, God is getting your attention in a loving but strong and firm way again and saying, “Honor that dream. Honor that vision. Honor and live your life to the fullest while you’re here.”

Thank you for listening to another episode of The Art School Podcast. If you have enjoyed this episode, if this podcast has been useful, meaningful inspirational to you, I would love it if you would share it with a friend. It would be awesome also if you would take the time to go to iTunes and leave a review. That, I know, takes minutes out of your day and when you have so many other things to do, I greatly appreciate it when you pause and take that additional time out of your day to help me move this work forward.

That act of leaving a review, that act of sharing is so huge. One of the things we talked about in the possibility immersion last week was the miracle of minor shifts, the power of small changes, and how the brain wants to talk us out of that and it wants to talk us out of our significance, out of the power that we do have, and it especially wants to talk us out of the power of the tiny.

But let me tell you, the action that you take to move this work forward, to share this podcast, I appreciate it greatly. It is not small. It is not tiny from my end. It means so much to me. So, thank you.

Also, when you are ready to take this work deeper, if you have received benefit from this podcast just by listening and now you want to see what taking this work and having individual attention and being immersed in this community, the profound effect that that can have on your life, please email us at support@eahcb.com.

We are starting the next round of the Art School and the Mastermind this March. And honestly, I think this has to be one of the most magical corners of the universe right now. Again, maybe relatively small, but mighty.

I want to embody that line from Gandhi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” And this group is full of changemakers like that. If you want to feel not only emboldened and encouraged and enlivened, rejuvenated about your own life and your own possibilities, but about life in general, the world in general, humanity in general, you will love this community.

One woman who has enrolled for the March session, Lisa Smith, wrote to me and said – and I’m using this with her permission, “I’m ready for the after Art School effect that I see in so many women: the energy and the beauty and self-reflecting creativity. It’s the missing piece I’ve been looking for.”

If you would love some of that after Art School effect and glow and power in your own life, we would love to have you join us. Again, you can email us, support@leahcb.com. You can set up a discovery consult with my team that way. Or you can go to my website, www.leahcb.com and enroll directly in the Art School, or find the link to apply for the Art School Mastermind.

Together, we are creating a paradigm of thriving, empowered creatives who, once they set their heart and mind on that result they want to create, they follow through with unstoppable energy and build soulful enriched lives in the process. So, if that sounds like the kind of support, the kind of ecosystem that you want to give yourself in 2021, I would love to have you join us.

To close with today, I want to again bring you back to these words of Erica’s. I know words like this have been a powerful mantra, affirmation, core part of my belief system and my ability to create what I have. And I’ve seen Erica use these words and work wonders in her own life too. “There’s no way I’m not doing this and I don’t have to do it alone.”

Try those words on, my friends. Commit them to your heart, to your spirit. Commit to them as a way of being and a way of life and you will see your life change and come alive in ways that are hard to even imagine. Have a beautiful week, everyone. Take really good care of yourself and of one another please. And I look forward to talking with you next time.