“Live Outside the Lines”
latest in my Milagros mini-paintings series
available for sale here
Hello, Dear Readers-
I have written and rewritten probably five different posts for today. None of them were bad, any one of them would’ve done, but, to tell you the truth, I feel like I am on some kind of cusp – not just with this blog, but with my creative work in general- and what I really want is to give into whatever’s wanting to happen and to go over that edge, take that leap.
I’ve had some ideas of what moving beyond the cusp means for other areas of my life (coaching, poetry, art), but frankly I thought I’ve been stymied as to what that would look like in the context of my blog.
The truth is, I think I’ve known exactly what it looks like for my blog, but I just haven’t wanted to go there…
Tonight, though,I had a little intuitive hit, just a twinge, as I was writing an email to a friend about something that happened to me this weekend and the intuition was that I should just share that story here – without trying to edit it to make it pretty for the blog and without trying to explain everything. In my heart that’s how I know I want the writing on this blog to be – heart to heart.
Heart to heart. Like writing a letter or an email to a dear friend. Heart to heart is how I work best, that’s how I live best, but I think I’ve been reluctant to “go there” because a blog is such a public space and it’s also my “professional” space. Some of my neighbors and people who actually see me and know me read this, for pete’s sake! (You know who you are. ) And while I’m glad they read (kinda), and I’m glad YOU read, oh lovely anonymous reader who I don’t have to run into at church or at the grocery store or at school pick-up, whose judgment remains at a safe distance…there is still big parts of me that hold back here because while I love to work heart to heart with clients who I’ve already met, be that way with friends and family, the blog is just different. In a scary, exposed, naked way.
But I also feel like the other way – the self-conscious way in which I’m very aware that this is public and that people who don’t know me well will read it and make judgments- is so awkward and not really me. And, more and more, I just have less and less tolerance for doing things that aren’t really me. I don’t want to be always just toeing up to that cusp, wondering what it’d be like to go over. I don’t want to be so stiff and formal. I just want to dance right over the edge. I want to go all in.
So, it’s a wild experiment, we’ll see how it goes, but it feels better already…
This little story ties into my series about Untrained Mind, Beautiful Mind so well because to get to the place where I could hear this message I had to really quiet my mind, tune in and listen in a very different way than what we are accustomed to do – and in a way that I was never taught but just came upon (first years ago in all that free and private, quiet time outdoors on our family farm) but have worked to cultivate more intentionally as an adult.
The Untrained Mind believes it is the source of all wisdom and beauty. And it won’t be quiet long enough to ever experience REAL wisdom and beauty, but just talks about how it thinks it already has it all day long.
The Beautiful Mind knows better AND it knows how and when to shut up and listen.
Anyway, that’s what this little story I was writing to my friend is about…being still and
“So, I was laying on the floor yesterday when the whole house was quiet and just breathing, meditating, praying, and asking for guidance and help. Asking my soul, asking God, asking my angels. And not long after what came to me first was:
All is well.
What came next was:
All IS WELL with your heart.
I can’t quite convey the shift that happened inside while I took that in. The words themselves don’t come close to doing justice to the powerful energy conveyed. I felt like my heart broke and cracked open a few times (in a good way), it felt like a few layers of armor dropped away…it felt so, so good – like a literal healing, like a miracle – that it made me realize how clamped up my heart has been, I have been – how protective and how defensive…and it showed me what freedom and trust and “all is well” truly, deeply feels like. And it completely arrested me when I realized that this is what is possible every day.
You know this isn’t the first time I have “heard/not heard” something in the way these things come – not audible but still in words but also energetic. But nothing with quite the physical rearranging of my insides has happened since a few years ago in a dream that I will never forget because it was a dream that was actually an experience that changed my life…”
So there it is my friends. Train your mind so it can get out of the way and all manner of good things can rush in and help heal your heart.
Goodnight and thanks for reading (even if I do know you in real life)!